I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
