my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
