I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
