Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
