For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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