So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
