Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
