I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
