gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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