Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Randomize
