..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
