This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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