his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
