It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
