i just made my gag reflex go away.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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