Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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