Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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