Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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