you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
