can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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