I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
