Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
