Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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