I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
