I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
