Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
