We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
