I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
