I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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