Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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