you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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