so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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