Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
