I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
