It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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