oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
