You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
