I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
