thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
