Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
