Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
