Can i not drive my cunt home
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
