I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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