I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
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