Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
