your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
