you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
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