Plan B is the new Plan A
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
