just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Randomize
