I think I died a long time ago.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
