all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
