i think my mom watched the whole time
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
