Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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