we have officially lost it.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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