come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
